Photo by Aubrey Odom on Unsplash

Between the historically low interest rates and the new-found desire to have more space after being cooped up for so long, many housing markets in the U.S. are as hot as they’ve ever been. Buyers are flocking to showings, and houses are being sold just 2 days after listing.

I just helped a client offer on a home that had over 100 showings in just 4 days of being on market. We came in 10% over the already high list price, and the offer was hardly considered. …


Negotiating isn’t all facts and figures

Photo by Library of Congress on Unsplash

I recently read two books. Never Split the Difference by former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss, and The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane. Never Split the Difference is frequently recommended on Twitter, and it did not disappoint. I found myself taking pages of notes throughout, and I highly suggest you read it if not to improve your negotiating, then to understand how people work.

As for The Charisma Myth, I often speak very dryly, despite thinking in very enthusiastic and energetic tones. …


Source: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Cheers_bar,_Boston.jpg

As a janitor, I work 12-hour days 6 days a week, cleaning up literal shit. When 6 o’clock finally rolls around, I head to Cheers because I know my wife will ask me to clean the kids and do the dishes the second I walk in the door, and a drink helps me unwind. What am I greeted by? Nothing! You motherfuckers are the same crowd that yells “Norm!” to that lazy hippopotamus stumbling in, but you can’t be bothered to learn my name? Even a head-nod or any slight acknowledgment of my existence would be nice. …


So a curious thing happened the other day. I woke up, went through my morning routine, and sat down for breakfast with my phone. A pretty normal day! And then I saw something weird — the date on my phone read “August 1st.”

Hold on, that can’t be right. Father’s Day was last week!

Turns out Father’s Day was over a month ago. Unbelievable! This has been the shortest extended summer ever! So that’s how I’ve been — completely out of touch with any sense of normalcy and reality.

How have you guys been? Let me know! Better yet, write…


A neat party trick to show your friends

Photo by Joe Caione on Unsplash

My childhood wouldn’t be complete without games of Kick the Can with the neighborhood kids. We’d be out in the street as soon as the sun started to set, and we’d all argue over who had to guard the can first. The threat of crying meant I’d never I’d see Austin army-crawling through the grass when I heard the door open, followed by a deep breath before a whistle pierced the air.

Out of the darkness, all four of my siblings and I sprinted towards the man in the door like a moth to the light. I didn’t even know…


With Father’s Day right around the corner, I think it’s only right we all take a minute to honor our dads and father figures.…by sharing the funniest stories we have about them.

I’m challenging all of you — readers, writers, people who aren’t sure how they got on this newsletter in the first place — to write a humorous piece that focuses on your dad. Maybe it’s about the time he showed up at school handing out baby pictures of you to all your friends. …


Photo by Jacob Morch on Unsplash

On Friday, April 14th, we received reports of a large crowd assembling at the Ford Theater in Washington DC. While many in attendance claim to have been “peacefully watching” Our American Cousin, there were many complaints of disorderly conduct when we believe the victim, Mr. Abraham Lincoln, shoved a man, discharging a firearm and putting him in critical condition. He died later. This is what happens when people behave in such an erratic manner.

Mr. John F. Kennedy was killed while disrupting traffic with his Gang of Dems in downtown Dallas on Friday, November 22nd. Had he stuck to the…


First of all, a quick thank you to all of our new writers and readers! A month and a half ago, I decided to start this publication after not having a place to share embarrassing moments from my life. Since then, readers have spent over 34 THOUSAND minutes reading OUR stories!

I love reading your submissions, they’re often hilarious and remind me that even in hard times like we’re currently experiencing, it’s important to embrace even the smallest of things to make us laugh.

Without you, this page would be a sad collection of my own stories, and based on…


Photo by Kobby Mendez on Unsplash

Hello there, I am the Chief Operations Officer of the King’s Important Evaluation Systems (COOKIES for short). We set the standards for all forms of measurement: height, weight, time, and of course, pizza. You probably know us more by our subsidiaries, the “Imperial” and “Metric” systems. In fact, you’ve probably thought “why isn’t there one system that does it all? I don’t know how to convert centimeters to pounds!”

Well, there is, America just wanted to feel special from the rest of the world after what happened with that “revolution” thing.

It’s come to our attention that people seemed to…


The impact it’s had on me

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Like a criminal being interrogated, I should have considered my options before speaking.

Like most schools in the US, we had to say the Pledge of Allegiance every morning, just in case somebody forgot their nationality. In first grade, my friends and I had a contest to see who could say the pledge the fastest. Our tables were arranged in groups of 4, so we always had one designated timer — the loser from the previous day. The game went like this:

· Time starts when you stand up

· Say the pledge as fast as possible

· Time ends…

Jack Polivka

Trying to find the balance between work and play…my writing reflects this. For my more focused thoughts on business, check out PolivkREI.com

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